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April 6, 2013 / minusbar

Wise Words On The Impending Zombie Apocalypse from Tim Marquitz

Surviving the Zombie Uprising

We all know the end is coming. Somehow, somewhere, someone is going to set off the zombie apocalypse, raising the dead or creating mindless clones that go on a rampage. It’s almost a guarantee. We humans are stupid like that.

And when it happens, you know who’s going to be ready? This guy!

Actually, no, I probably won’t be; not in the traditional sense, at least. I’m no preparedness guru or gun guy. I don’t know how to start a fire, track or trap animals, or even skin the damn things if I caught something. My survival experiences are limited to making complicated decisions at the drive-thru, stalking the aisles at Walmart, and working a microwave. I’m a caveman before discovering fire. Rock good!

That said, however, I’ll very likely be one of the last men standing.

Why you ask? For several reasons, actually. The first of which is that I’ve spent a lot of time with corpses; way more than most folks in civilized society. I know what they smell like up close and personal; when they’re old and dusty and fresh and moist. I’ve pulled some from the ground with the meat dripping from the bone like putrid wax. Are you ready for that? The TV shows make it look easy being in close to a rotting body, but I know better. When you’re puking your guts out, I’ll be thumping zombie skull.

I’ve also spent more than half my life in a live action role playing game organization (LARP for short.) And yes, I can hear you snickering, picturing me in aluminum armor and a feathered hat, running around with a floppy, fake sword, but I’m the guy you want on your side. For the last twenty-five years, I’ve practiced fighting against groups, perfecting tactics, use of terrain, and analyzing the range of a variety of melee weapons. I’ve fought thinking, processing human beings at full speed and intelligence since I was fifteen years-old, not even counting the years I spent working as a bouncer. How about you?

On top of that, I’m kind of like Merle from the Walking Dead, but smarter. Survival is the name of the game. Check your conscience at the door. There’s no room for the goodness of man when the dead walk the earth. Everyone’s the enemy until proven otherwise. I’m the guy who’ll do the dirty work when necessary and not lose any sleep over it.

And while the original idea of this post was to discuss zombie survival tactics, the only legitimate advice I can impart upon you is to be indispensable. You don’t have to be the guy who puts food on the table or protects the group or has the greatest ideas. No matter what you’re good at, you just need to be needed. That’s the key to surviving.\

Tim Marquitz



Image of Tim Marquitz

Raised on a diet of Heavy Metal and bad intentions, Tim Marquitz has always been interested in writing, but it wasn’t until about 1995 the urge became a compulsion. However, it would be many years later before the ability matched the interest. Fortunately, the two have reconciled…mostly.

Writing a mix of the dark perverse, the horrific, and the tragic, tinged with sarcasm and biting humor, he looks to leave a gaping wound in the memories of his readers.

A former grave digger, bouncer, and dedicated metalhead, Tim is a huge fan of Mixed Martial Arts, and fighting in general.

He lives in Texas with his beautiful wife and daughter.

Books by Tim Marquitz: Demon Squad Series, Witch Bane, Dawn of War

Interested in reading one? Pick one up here!


A huge thanks to Tim for taking the time to let us know a bit about his survivalist nature. Should the zombie apocalypse arise, I’ll be sure to keep him on speed dial.

Anyway, this is a topic I will be exploring with authors a lot going forward. After all, we need to know which authors are with and who is going to try and eat us when this all goes down. Please stay tuned over the next few weeks as I will be releasing a lot of interviews where I ask authors this question: What would you do if the Zombie Apocalypse started?

Have a zombie plan? Feel free to share in the comments!


Roger Bellini


One Comment

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  1. Bastard / Apr 6 2013 10:37 am

    Well said Tim, but you’re old grandpa.

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