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January 22, 2013 / minusbar

Behold, I give you the sexiest authors of 2013!

Behold, I give you the 8 sexiest authors of 2013!

I’ve never enjoyed reading “hot lists” that judge people based on their outward appearances alone. However, after having seen some of these gorgeous authors, I simply had to make a post. I sincerely hope the internet is ready for this much raw sexuality condensed into a single article. Ladies and gentleman, please put on your seatbelts and prepare for your world to be rocked.

Patrick Rothfuss

Patrick Rothfuss is an award-winning lesbian-kisser. He’s written long books about a ginger dude, whose name is weird and/or impossible to pronounce correctly (like Kvothe? Seriously?). Rothfuss is uncannily similar to gnomes in appearance (see his Wikipedia photo). Patrick also gives amazing hugs, and raises money for Heifer International through his WorldBuilder’s organization.

Peter V. Brett

When not busy with writing Peter likes to roleplay as a cuddly bunny. He also enjoys tanning on the beach wearing nothing but his Birthday wards. He maintains his chiselled beach bunny bod by eating Hostess treats and various other healthy junk foods.

John Scalzi

John likes kittens. And pie too (and the souls of innocent children.. I mean, just look at those teeth!). He is notably a spigot of sarcasm, and a faucet of funny. He’s also a proud veteran of the Churro Wafflination Wars. No comment has been given on what side he fought for.

Neil Gaiman and Amanda Fucking Palmer

Neil and Amanda are awesome. And weird. like… Super crazy fucking weird. In an awesome kind of way. If you don’t like it, get the fuck over it. Seriously, now! Also, he’s part of a six week long workshop that he’d love to extend complimentary invites to us for. Thank you kind sir, we graciously accept. Please…?

Brent Weeks

This man is wanted in several states for theft of his own books. If you see him, approach with caution. He may possess sharp pens. As well, he has been known to “bomb” photos, with rabbit ears (allegedly). If you see him at a bar, make sure to steal his napkins as he’s been known to write stories on them.

Brandon Sanderson

Often cursing the God’s for giving him a baby face, Brandon channelled this rage to write novels. However, his rage is so great that his novels tend to be the size of bricks; spanning a shit-load of pages. Ain’t nobody got time for that! He has also been caught ‘brandalizing’ books in airports across the United States.

Stephenie Meyers

Fresh off of torturing the worlds eyelids with the Twilight Saga, Stephenie is back with new movie adaptation “The Host.” I often wonder if the Mayan’s being right about the end of the world would have been better than this cruel fate. Lock your doors, hide your children…   It’s coming…

***We’re now switching back to serious mode.***

We hope you enjoy this post! Please remember this is all meant in good fun, so try not to get offended.

This post is brought to you by the lovely Bandita, Rebecca Lovatt of The Arched Doorway.

And, of course me. Roger Lou Who.

Dear God, why did I post this?



Leave a Comment
  1. Kaytana Myotsuki / Jan 23 2013 5:48 pm

    This is… Silly..Love your choice of photos for them!

  2. Angi C / Feb 2 2013 1:07 pm

    Reading this made my Saturday morning. Utterly fantastic!

  3. minusbar / Feb 3 2013 12:30 am

    I’m so glad you all enjoyed it! Yea, it was a very fun post to do. However, I may have made myself a blacklisted reviewer by pissing off the entire fantasy writer community. 😛

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